Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot

I mean, 'Should old acquaintance be forgot'? Does that mean that we should forget old acquaintances, or does it mean if we happened to forget them, we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot?" --Harry, from "When Harry Met Sally"

A few months ago, I had dinner with my old friend, Suzanne. She recently found the high school graduation gift I gave her: A copy of Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go." The back of the book was inscribed with a nostalgic farewell message from me -- a memento of sorts to send her off to the great unknown...college.

Who knew that almost 20 years later we'd be sitting in a Thai restaurant in Montclair reminiscing, comparing our husbands and our kids, and dishing about old classmates? Along the journey, from Beck Middle School until now, our paths have crossed and then uncrossed and then crossed again. How did it come to be that Suzanne and I are still friends, still in touch and sharing our lives with each other when so many others have flitted in and out? We are very different women than we were girls. There were challenges we met over the years (distance, disagreements, etc.) that could have meant the end of our friendship, but somehow didn't. What has kept it alive?

What is the formula for enduring friendship?

Who knows? I surely don't. I know I'm lucky to have a handful of solid, long-standing friendships. I also know that I place a lot of value on true, constant, and loyal companions. And that I struggle with my emotions for quite some time when I feel betrayed, dismissed, or burned.

I've also been known to get hung up over unfinished business. Relationships that ended too soon or on a sour note. I often feel uncomfortable when I run into old acquaintances in the grocery store. How long of a conversation is long enough? 2 minutes? 5 minutes? Then, how do we sign off? "Nice to see you." (Too phony.) "Take care." (Too smug.) "It was nice running into you." (Too awkward!!!)

It's certain that I focus way too much energy on why or how a relationship met its demise, and not enough on the takeaways. For instance, what impact did that classmate or colleague make on my life? If just for a month, a year, a moment? Who did I become as part of that couple? Who am I now? What lessons did I learn from loving that friend? From hurting her? From helping her?

I know I might meet debate on this, but I truly believe that every person I've met in my life has impacted and shaped me. Some more than others, of course. But, some in the most unexpected and significant ways.

It's with this in mind that I'm going to take on an interesting experiment in the New Year.

The next time I go to the grocery store, I'm going to wear a different hat. Not literally, but figuratively. Instead of that awkward, what-does-she-think-of-me-now hat I wear when I run into old acquaintances, I'm going to wear the I'm-grateful-for-having-known-you-whomever-you-are hat.

And that new hat's going with me when I drop off my son at school, when I go to the gym, get coffee at Starbucks, and even when I'm trolling Facebook. I might not say it out loud, but when I see you and smile, I'll be thinking, "Thank you." I bet you'll be able to tell.

And to my old acquaintances: Though we're separated by years or by distance, by disagreements or by disillusion, I thank you for your contribution to the making of me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm truly grateful.

Should Old Acquaintance be forgot,
and never thought upon;
The flames of Love extinguished,
and fully past and gone:
Is thy sweet Heart now grown so cold,
that loving Breast of thine;
That thou canst never once reflect
on Old long syne.